Why You Owe It To Yourself To Walk Away When Someone Says They’re ‘Guarded’

Continue reading “Why You Owe It To Yourself To Walk Away When Someone Says They’re ‘Guarded’”

Sungmin Marries Saeun aka Goodbye, My Love (#ELF-zoned)

Of course, for avid kpop followers and ELFs alike, it’s already common knowledge that Sungmin is about to marry. It’s no doubt an understatement that I’m beyond disbelief about this matter.

About the marriage, I’ve read and heard about it here from KpopKFans. I was already in a mental breakdown from the dating news and rumors surfaced about a wedding and with a date: this December 13, 2014.

…and man. It did come true. FVCK.

Here are more articles about this craziness:

Sungmin to get married to Kim Sa Eun this December?
Follow Up: Sungmin and Kim Sa Eun
Sungmin confirms he is marrying Kim Sa Eun
K-Elfs get enraged with Sungmin + his Korean fansites close
[Pann] Sungmin caught adding his girlfriend’s nickname to his autographs
Sungmin looks sorry at the airport

In any rate, just looking at these titles alone hurts my eyes, my head and my heart..

A lot of people and fellow ELFs may not understand my sentiment or those who feel the same  as me but really, IT’S NOT ABOUT THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THING. This being against it is not about not allowing him to marry. I liiiiiike him a lot but I know the reality of not being able to make him mine. I’m not stupid. I can’t even watch a SJ concert without difficulty and all. ㅠㅠ Anyways, for me, primarily, it’s because of the girlfriend/fiancee. This nugu girl who is riding on his name, releasing articles left and right – even announcing she’s dating Sungmin herself (ATTENTION WHORE, really #sorrynotsorry) and out of the blue, at that. On top of that, apparently she has a Facebook account and she’s so obvious about being Min’s lover blah blah. I don’t have a lot to say about that because well, anything about her is never pleasant…

This here.. I just want to express my feelings. Actually, I don’t even know if I’m sad, mad or maybe both? I mean, why in such a rush?? They said they were in the early stages of dating…. Then now marriage.. It doesn’t even help that rumors surfaced that Saeun is pregnant. I cannottttt

Like, how can Ming who has been so quiet his whole life (even in variety shows that I almost want to kill myself for my freaking bias whose screen time is less to none, shit) throw a huge bomb on me/us? Sungmin ssi, I wished for you to gain more attention but not this way. I hoped for you to be recognized for your talents and passion but you trended in portal sites because of all this drama..

Then, one morning at work, I checked Twitter and marriage stuff came up. And the girl’s side denied. Whoa there. I’m not even thrilled with that. Even the wedding venue denied any reservation. Then well, Sungmin posted and confirmed to be marrying on the rumored December date on his own blog.

Title: To.
Message: To. Everyone Who Allowed the Current Me to Exist

Hello, this is Sungmin.
What words to say first… I thought of it countless times, even just the first sentence.
I wrote and deleted countless times, and while doing that, I could remember the thankful faces..
and their voices more..
I write this letter with a heavy and cautious heart.
Everyone, I met a good person, and will be getting married on 12/13.
Thinking about you guys who received the news suddenly today, my heart aches.
I wanted to give the news to my precious friend, and those who love me, to E.L.F. first, and was thinking about how to say it and when.. Sorry that you guys learned through it first through the news article.
To be honest, before I passed this news, because of the decision I am making, and with thoughts about those who have been with me till now…
There was a lot of time that I conflicted (within myself) a lot and endured it alone.
Not because I was afraid of my decision, but worried how surprised my thankful people will be when they hear this news that they’ve never experienced before, worried about how they could be hurt.
It’s a bit late, but with the courage from your big love and trust in me, I announce this news myself.
I really want to say that I am truly thankful to you guys, who watched me- like a shadow-grow up from nobody and cheered me on.
I am really thankful to those who helped me so far, and members and the company who trust my decision and respect it.
I will continue to work harder from now on, and will become Sungmin-ee who repay your love.

(credit: NKSubs)

Your novel-like post just translated to one important thing:


..But Saeun denied, eh?

I can only roll my eyes.

And wipe that small tear.

Anyhow, I have yet to cry buckets and pools. Which is weird.
(I may cry on the wedding date though. FINALITY.)

I’m not elaborating more on the autograph issue since it’s a widespread thing already.. And with the alleged pregnancy, Kangin said himself that it isn’t true, so I’ll believe that. If it turns out to be false, I don’t know~ It won’t do any good, I guess….

Sungmin and I are not in good terms now (Wow, sounding like we know each other. LOL) but it doesn’t mean I support the ousting of him. I’m still pretty excited with SJ’s repackaged but well, I’ll have to change bias. Even in real life (or away from kpop life), even if I like someone romantically, if I know they’re taken, he’s gonna be off limits already. So… with Ming, it applies just the same. I feel it’s so wrong to adore him now that he’s about to be another girl’s hubby..? Or it’s just me. *shrugs*

Nevertheless, reading stuff from K-ELF and fansites who closed down – everything is just messy and I don’t exactly believe them, but they somehow speak of truths. It’s still good to know of them, you know, all those info.  Though it’s really hard to just wake up everyday to more devastating news.

I’m escaping from my supposed-to-be escape from life – Lee Sungmin. 

The reality now is:
May 2014 – this couple already had a wedding photoshoot (!!!)
September – dating news
October – marriage announcement
December – wedding day

Yesss, fvck, this was planned all along. Well played, Lee Sungmin and Kim Saeun, well played. And family and members, among others, are against the decision to wed but in the end, they respected his decision. Of course, I have no idea how Ming’s mind works and I don’t plan to uncover it. I know I’m going around in circles but all is a blur, really.

This is not even about sales, as most fans are concerned about. Call me a “fake” fan but this big happening seriously made me realize that kpop is all fame, fortune, glitz and glamour. I save up all my salary to buy their albums, merchandise, etc – like, is this worth it?? At the end of the day, the idols are the only ones who’ll benefit off our hard earned money and we’re there, poor and, say, just asking for an opportunity to meet and greet oppa but they don’t even bat their eyelashes. It just seems like a major reality check. Right, I’m being freaking realistic for a change.

To Sungmin ssi, who is not my oppa anymore -_-, you’ve lost weight, huh? And you’ve finally got some attention like I wanted for you… Anyhow, this is not to bash or hurt you. I feel bad about this, about your girlfriend and about you, even. I know that I don’t know you personally but the image I’ve known of you has become so far from what you have shown us at the moment. As I’ve always mentioned, I’ve loved you from afar for almost five years now and it isn’t easy to get rid of the love and affection but I’ve no choice but to do that now. Haa. I’m quite resentful and I don’t want you to act sorry or apologetic because please, it’s going to anger me more. If you’re being like that, then you’ve definitely done something unpleasant, right? And don’t go out of your way to do things that you’ve never done before like fanservice and stuff. This just makes me madder because you’ve never done them (much) before, so why start now? Because of your revelation to marry??

Oh my god, I ended up sulking here. Gaaaah, I’m so confused over everything~~~~ There are so many questions I want to ask but shit. Plans for watching SS6 Manila has become blurry too since this took place. *sigh* You know, you, Sungmin and even Super Junior as a whole, it just won’t be the same again. Ever.

I’m just gonna pray that everyone’ll be happy as time passes (I better get myself a true to life boyfriend or choose a new ultimate bias *cough Song Mino cough* to get over this) but for now, I’m just empty. For most friends, my identity is associated with Sungmin. I don’t even know what reaction to give/show if they’ll know about this. Argh, it’s almost making me crazy.

Bottom line is, goodbye, my love.. Let your love bloom.