It astounds me that I wasted the long weekend (Sat and Sun + Lunar New Year holiday) because of my own freakin’ fault.
Well, nuh-uh, it’s probably not a total waste because I do need the rest – I deserve it for the most part, actually. I just came from Cebu, specifically Bantayan Island, last January 29 to February 1, to relieve meself of all the stress that have accumulated for the past months. Srsly, I needed to BREATHE and travel did just that for me.
(Ugh I planned to blog about the Bantayan trip already but health ㅠㅠ)
Then again, the blast of going to new places and meeting precious friends have its consequences.
For the past days, I did a whole lot of thinking. Even with the headaches, this habit of mine can’t seem to just… go away. It’s a habit after all.
Those thoughts are up here because how better can I express myself and take them feelings out of me than writing?
Excuse the drama as writer was/is under the influence of her fever.
1. I can’t depend on my parents for long.
Work is my #1 problem right now, to be honest. Working for the government is not what people really expect it to be (easy, with huge salary). Anyways, I’m too broke to even function now then I get myself sick and under my parents’ care again. I mean, we live in the same house ha but I want to have money to spend for my own and also to give to them so that I won’t turn into a useless bastard. I’m 23 years old now, damn~ *life frustrations flood in* I just realized more than ever now that I need a stable job ASAP and bring myself back on track.
2. I need and want company.
THIS… But I don’t know if I should ask for it. Or can I even ask for it. Like, do you text your friends, “I’m sick! Please come over~”? Isn’t that clingy, but well, I’m clingyyy but how do you say that? Honestly, I can’t stand being rejected. As always, for some *rolls eyes* Others have busy schedules, have appointments, have dates… The list goes on. Then again, you can’t fault these people because they had no idea that you were stuck in bed, feeling sorry for yourself, and desperately wanting to jump out and play with them. Do I sound needy right now?? Huhuhu
Actually, I don’t like anyone coming at home without telling me first because I’d be such a mess (no kidding) but I would appreciate it because cheesy gurl is cheesy!!!
3. I should tone down my traveling spirit.
It’s not that I will stop myself from going on trips next time, especially when opportunities arise, but I have to learn to slow down. As I’ve told you before, it’s almost like I don’t sleep. There’s jetlag plus heavy baggage – I, too, can understand when the parentals mock me about my escapades and what they’ve done to my body. But then, YOLO wins…
I will really try but no promises. Hahaha
4. I miss out on a lot when I’m sick.
There were around 3-4 invitations I had to decline last weekend and it srsly hurt my heart~ I couldn’t even go to my own father’s birthday celebration with the church org ＿|￣|○ But I was blazing, I couldn’t bear to stand up and I had the killer headaches so… Sorry, Pa ㅠㅠ
5. I need to be strong.
BASICALLY. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… I don’t have anyone to directly depend on (other than God and parents) so I have to take care of myself. Gaaah will vegetables be part of the menu now?? I just can’t stand to be sick anymore because I also can’t even take medicine well! Yes, call me childish if you want, but this is me XD Lels I’m sure not gonna change pronto but because I can’t take this weakness, I’ll work on this aspect hopefully. 제발 해 기집애야아아아
There goes. Manage yourselves and don’t be like me, yall~!!!