Last night, I was just lying on my bed, peacefully using my phone and singing kpop songs. You know, typical scenario in my life.. Then a friend, Garly, texted me, asking me how I was on SUNGMIN DATING.
Yes. Shocked is, well, an understatement. You top that with me, no Internet access that time, and you get a crazy woman who just can’t get a hold of herself.
The news is so alien? Idk… I couldn’t believe it at first – or perhaps, I didn’t want to believe. It just was too sudden, it hurts… ㅠㅠ
Facebook mobile was my only gateway to the online world and maybe I’m masochistic, but I scrolled down my timeline – shared links and sad sentiments about it were all around.
And right then and there, it just dawned on me. Sungmin is truly dating…
There’s nothing to think about or mull over. Just.. my tears fell and flowed without my control… Is this really happening…?
Got to work today and of course, even if the truth scares me, I wanted to look into the details.
Here are Netizenbuzz articles about it:
Sungmin and musical actress Kim Sa Eun confirm they are dating
Heechul reveals Sungmin apologized for his dating reveal
Sungmin oppa-ya~ I have been your fan and of Super Junior since 2009. It’s been what, five years.. And I’m still here now. I may not have been as updated as other people when it comes to you. I may not know you as much as they do… But it still stands that I have been your loyal follower since then…
I have invested my feelings, my time, my money to you. My fangirl heart has withstood every single criticism that has gone my way because of this love for you. I literally crossed the ocean of Mindanao and Luzon to watch your Super Shows for three times, just to see you and know that you are real.
I’m saying this not because I regret all of it. No. Never. With this recent information, I just… I realized this situation – idol and fangirl – is one I can’t win. I will always be on the losing end. Not that this is a game.. But you know, it’s not fair for me. I know I’m just your fan. I’m just a minor one of the millions or maybe billions of people who look up to you… As others say, you don’t even know about my mere existence.
But aside from being sad, I’m just really curious about your girlfriend, Kim Sa Eun. The name didn’t really ring a bell, though I had my suspicions. Like, she could be that girl in We Got Married, or she’s someone you work with in a musical. And indeed, I am right… She’s a musical actress… Somehow, I just got that idea. I know you are passionate about your singing and your craft but one way or another, I just felt there’s something or someone that keeps you there…
It’s fishy though how this came to be. I mean, there weren’t paparazzi pictures of you together… There weren’t any stolen shots. Like, how…? And seriously, oppa, I know you are such a private and introvert person. I know you’d want to keep this. Well, not for fans mainly but like, for yourself because you want a quiet life.. Then Sa Eun’s agency just confirms. Mind-blowing, eh?!
Nevertheless, all I can really say is she’s such a lucky, lucky girl. I’m so jealous of her ㅠㅠ How were you able to meet and get close… Did you date and go out a lot.. Was it you who approached her and how did you do it… Did members know… Are you still really in the beginning stages…
Honestly, I just couldn’t memorize her face. Not that it’s a bad thing but she just isn’t prettier than you. Lels XDD Anyhoo, the ring and the bracelet/watch… Kyaaa. I KNEW IT. Why must I be so good at this?? I’ve noticed you wearing these a lot and wow, they are couple items. 이럴 수가…
So, this explains that dream I had recently. That semi fan meeting you had at Wiki Cafe, I was super envious of that, that if only I could teleport to Korea, I would. But I’m only just a human being with no super powers… Anyways, this is actually the first time I dreamt of you. And maybe, that was a sign, huh? Sneaky ㅠㅠ The setting was no less than Wiki Cafe~~ And I was able to be up close and personal just like how I wanted to. We shook hands, I was crying, I asked you for a hug and you obliged me twice.. Then it was time to go but I didn’t want to let go. I requested to take a photo with you while I’m still holding on to you but again, you needed to go. You had that sad face…. Even if it was just a dream, but I know, now, that you were speaking to me, about this all.. And it sucks~ Why must be my first dream about you something so heartbreaking and bittersweet…? ㅠㅠ
[TRANS] Lee Sungmin, who’s not my blood-related brother but still my brother.. I’ve still got him saved in my phone as ‘sweet pumpkin’. “Steam lots of pumpkins, cause I ate them all”…or something along that line… I forgot kekeke anyway, Sungmin’s usually the quiet one who causes no trouble, but he was rather busy today. I always say this, ‘hey Sungmin’s the type we shouldn’t hit even with a flower and that’s true, we shouldn’t hit sungmin even with my face (which is a flower of course) Keke I might be overacting during this comeback but, even though it was a hard time, we supported each other and relied on each other happily, and we will be in the future as well so let’s stay together holding hands like family!! I hate saying cheesy stuff like this, but i had to cause I’m hurt, after seeing our Sungmin, who never cries anywhere… cried while saying ‘hyung, i’m sorry, to fans.. and to members’ even though we may not be able to make this a silk road for our sweet pumpkin, let’s not make this into a thorn bush~ i love you my babies!! i can’t even make proper hearts, but ppuing ppuing (credit: mirrorshadow)
So, you cried, oppa-ya~ ㅠㅠ It just doesn’t feel right why you are crying… But I know this is because you don’t want and never want to be a burden to others. I feel you, Sungmin-ah… This is something you will still be responsible for and I believe in you, truly. I will support your decisions, especially when it comes to the girl you love and one day, marry… May it be Kim Sa Eun now or another woman.. Stay strong, 진짜로~~
I guess this here, I want to broadcast to the world, to exclaim it out to the wind, and just hope that it reaches you.
With all my heart, Sungmin oppa…
(I like you…)
(I love you..)
This breaks my heart but I know I’m going to be okay soon. Someday. In the end, I’m still going to look at you, save your photos, listen to your music, watch you perform perhaps live.. I will still be an ELF that is just taken aback and depressed at the moment.
This became a sort of reflection for me too. That this isn’t healthy anymore.. I have to live my life. I can’t be just oppa’s fangirl only. I need to make my other dreams come true. See ‘other’? Yes, you are part of my dreams, Sungmin-ah…. But perhaps in my past life or in my next life, it may be delusional and stupid right now, but I wish I will get to see and be with you or really, this is a pathetic aspiration ㅠㅠ
I’m rambling, I know, but oppa~ Iloveyousoooooomuch. You have been an inspiration to live. So, thank you and sorry. I apologize now that I’m not as happy as the others are/were.. No one I know, even from family and friends, will get to understand what is this I’m feeling but seriously, you are the greatest unrequited love, Sungmin oppa. But of course, I have no other choice but to let you go, move on. You are not mine from the start and you never will… Still, thanks for empowering me through life,
just by you living and working hard..
Hurrrr oppa, if only I can hug you now and just show you my love. This is just the limit of what I can do. Anyways, again, all my love goes to you~ Just give me time and I will be okay, cheering for you as loud as I can once more. 🙂
Aigoo!! Here’s to end this nonsense (I was sad to sulky to sappy to crazy)~
One love one love
The memories are beautiful
Always be my [boy]
One love one love
The memories are beautiful
I don’t wanna ever say good bye
PS… I want to date too.